Dawg with a Blawg

As I’m writing this, I am sitting on the windowsill in my empty bedroom, staring at the most glorious sunset I’ve seen in a while. This will be the last time I sit in this window watching the sky change colors at the end of the day. My apartment is empty and it is almost time to leave. I’m sitting here thinking about the last year of my life and all that has changed and I am feeling quite emotional about it all. Although I am not going far at all, I am going to miss this place a lot. I thought an appropriate end to this chapter would be to sit in my favorite spot and share some memories from my time here.

One of my favorites is the time my sister and I were sitting in the living room with all of the lights out, watching the lightning during a crazy storm. I don’t remember what exactly we were talking about the entire time, but I do remember that we would try to predict when the lightning would strike again by counting down to it. I think there was only one time that it actually happened when counting down from three, so we started counting from other numbers. My sister started somewhere around 95, and the sky finally lit up when she got to 90. We both got excited and shouted, “NINETY!!” as if that would cue more lightning. It sadly did not work, but it sure did make us laugh.

Another highlight would be the time we had a game night that ended with JJ and I having a foot race. We somehow went from playing Uno to sprinting through the parking lot. I say “somehow” as if I didn’t blatantly say that I was completely sure that I could beat him in a race and was willing to prove it right in that moment. We got our running shoes on and headed outside. Long story short, I did not win that race. I did try my best though and I didn’t fall down, which is always a win in my book.

A night that I will always remember and will probably never hear the end of, is something I now refer to as The Great Christmas Meltdown. I had just returned home from watching Marty Supreme on Christmas Day and was talking to my sister about a small fear that had slowly crept into my mind as I watched that movie. During our conversation, that small fear quickly turned into a full-on panic attack, an uncomfortable text, and an expensive Doordash order. My sister witnessed what was probably one of my most insane moments as I sat there trying not to fully spiral out of control. While the memory itself is not necessarily a positive one, it made me grateful to have my sister’s support on a night that just felt like the definition of being 23.

In June, I had someone here visiting for a few days and there are a lot of moments that I really cherish from that weekend. The first would be when he was trying to teach me and my sister some self-defense moves. He was showing us all kinds of crazy stuff and I couldn’t even comprehend how to do a lot of it. He managed to pick me up and lay me on the floor in half of a second, and as I was laying on the floor, I thought two things. #1: “I need to get a lot stronger because if this actually happened to me in the real world I don’t stand a chance.” And #2: “Of course this is what we’re doing right now. Of course we are standing in the living room showing my sister how to throw someone to the ground and break their arm. What else would we be doing?” The second thing that I think about a lot is when he just kept putting my socks in the freezer all weekend. Just disappearing into my closet and then trying to sneak them in the freezer as if I wouldn’t notice. It was another good reminder to just be strange and silly. The last moment that I think back to frequently, is when I was sitting on the couch, crying just a little bit, after he told me he was moving to Chicago. It was bittersweet, and believe it or not, that conversation is the reason that I am moving out of this apartment today.

I could write a million more paragraphs about the memories that this place holds, but I can’t risk losing the attention of my lovely readers. Instead, I will do a speed round of everything that comes to my head with no further context. #1: Being surrounded by blueberries as I laid my head down on the counter saying, “This wasn’t supposed to happen to me.” #2: Watching the most insane show ever created with my sister and her boyfriend and calling those days “Tim Sundays.” #3: Looking at my kitchen counter that was covered in plants and being proud of my ability to learn and grow. #4: Being told by a five-year-old that I don’t have enough toys in my house and could I please get more toys? #5: Crying a whole lot while my mom held me. #6: Discovering I could do 10 consecutive push-ups.

And finally, memory #7-#348: Dance Parties™️. My favorite part of this entire year was the countless dance parties that I had. I think it’s important to note that I am not just talking about anytime that I was dancing, because a true Dance Party™️ consists of me blaring my music, dancing like my life depends on it, while my sister sits on the couch and watches as I try to get her to participate. For awhile this was happening at least 3 times a week. Around 7PM, music would come on and I would dance for at least 45 minutes as my sister sat nearby. It was like a nightly routine at one point. If I was ever in a bad mood, she would put on Carry Out and I could not help but stand up and dance. I’d stop dancing an hour later and my bad mood was cured. I sure do miss those dance parties.

This past year here has been very special. My life has changed greatly, as have the people around me. It has brought me great joy and great pain and a whole lot of growth. It’s led me to a brand new season of life and has helped me to learn that change is unavoidable, so sometimes it’s best to dive headfirst into it. I encourage everyone reading this to think back on the last year and reflect on all that is different and all that has remained the same. Think about where you’d like to be a year from now and ask yourself what changes need to be made in order to get you there. Remember that you are capable of anything and everything that you set your mind to!

Be mindful of what you’re building your life around, Dawgs ❤️